Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize