i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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