Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
