but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
