I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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