Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
