Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
