Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
