Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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