so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
