Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
