I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
