I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
