I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
