idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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