Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
