i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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