I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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