Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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