I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
