ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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