dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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