i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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