We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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