so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
