so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
