Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dicks are not precious.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
