Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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