So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
