The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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