Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
