He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
