ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
