i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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