...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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