I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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