I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
