I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This house was built for laser tag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize