Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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