check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The police scanner is talking about you again....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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