Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
