We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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