I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
