I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
