she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sober January is a disaster.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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