I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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