Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
