Yo dont text me then not text me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
