oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
