whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
