no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
