apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
