You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
