I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
