Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
