i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
