I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize