just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
