Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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