needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
