i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Say something about gay babies.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i now understand why vodka
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
