The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize