my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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