sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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