highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
