its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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