Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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