oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
