Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
